Tired....

I feel so tired now
I been so tired since december
Since the day we have problem
I feel hurt and sad that moment
But i think that i can settle all the thing and back to normal after i back
But all totally different
I choose to rush back malaysia earlier than others
Since i wish to have more time with you
I know you are very lonely there
So i wish to have more time with you
You say im too over this time since i too easy fall asleep
I really don't mean it
I can't have proper sleep at home at all
Somemore my body very weak since i food poisoning in beijing
I only feel secure to sleep when im by yourside
Because im sure after i open my eye
You are still by my side
I know you blame me for this too
Im so sorry
Since 9February i more tired
Not just my body tired
But my mind
But my heart
Also feel so tired
Suddenly i feel so hopeless and useless since everything change after few word
Im so desperate at that moment
Im so down
Im so upset
I ever think to die
I try to knock my head to wall
I know im so silly and stupid
But at that moment i really can't have anymore idea than this
I know you hate me to be this
I also stop acting like this anymore
As you say
I must be brave on what had happen
Now i no more acting childish
Is time for me to be matured
So i keep find something to do
So i can at least numb my mind and my heart
So i won't think so much here
Don't worry
I now had change a lot
I know im still not consider perfecr yet
But i will still keep work hard to change myself more
I already promise you
So i will kept my promise this time
I promise not going to break my promise anymore
Because i know you still care about me
So i don't wish to hurt you anymore
I also don't like to speak out to other people
Unless those who i trust
I just have some people i really trust
You are one of them
And you are the most important one
Last time you are the most important one
Until now you are still the same
In future also will be the same because there are nobody can ever ever try to replace your seat
Now i already no more sms ,call,msn you anymore
But i will write all my thing out here
You can keep updated
Even when im not with you anymore
But im always wondering how you there
What are you doing there
Im so miss you all the moment
I miss you whole day
I miss you whole month
I miss you whole year
I miss you whole life