Reason...

I now feel imcomplete...
One person is complete when succeed in their life...their study...their love
How ever im a big loser in all these things
Why...?
Wish to know why?
Erhm...
How should i start this blog...
Let me think and organised 1st...
I don't know why today im so blur...
Can't even think anything at all....
Oh my god...
Well...
How ever also i must write some about my feeling right now....
If not i will never recover myself
My life is so miserable now...
I don't know why what ever i do also wrong...
Do i really so bad..
Do i really that terrible
Why i can't even do 1 thing that will supported by people
Why i can't even do 1 thing will praise by anyone...
Im so confuse about characteristic sometime
How do other people think about me
After think long time also i will never get any answer for it
Weird...
But for my view im a bad bad guy
Not from personality or thinking
But is from emotional and temper and also my attitude
Even the bad thing i do won't cost me to jail
But it always hurt people around me
I know there is a lot people don't like me
Or should say hate me
Since i been keep tease by people around me
But i will just pay back them a smile
Sound like nothing will happen
But it will always in my mind and heart
And this drive myself more lose control
I don't mind to get hurt but please don't keep do so to me every single minute
Im also human being
I just a normal person who also have my own feeling
Im nothing
Maybe you all fool me like trash
But im not
Im just an ordianry guy
Who need friends
Who need love
Who need care
Please don't do like this anymore
Im scared i can't control myself anymore
Since i have this kind of life since im 6 years old
I have enough of this kind of life
There is nobody will really care for my feeling
Nobody but will keep blame me and blame me
I will be good if you are treat me well
Since my hurt in my heart and mind never have single chance to recover
Somemore you all are not vincy
If is vincy who keep hurt me then i will admit all
How bad the hurt i have also i will forget and forgive
I will never blame or angry her
Because she is the one who i really love
Whatever she can do to me doesn't mean you all can do too
So please stop fooling me around anymore
I just wish to have my simple life
For my study
Is really preassure and tension to be study Degree in Beijing
Since their stand is higher than us
And also because i don't pay much attention to my study before
And because im not a clever guy
I must work very hard to achieve my goal
But is really hard for me...
Mandarin is one of my challenge since it is so hard to understand sometime
And the homework and assignment i have really a lot
Just for last semester
You all know why i had change lot for my last semester?
Because my days full with class until i have no extra time to relax or exercise at all
My life for last semester is really pack
Make me almost can't breath at all
Few technical drawing i need to rush every week
Must draw accurate
Is so hard somemore had to keep think the way to change and draw
Because im not so good in 3D imagination
Each day after i have time with vincy then i have to start to think and rush
I have never sleep more than 3 hour each day for continuous 5month
Somemore i have 4 report to write each week
I had to settle all report before attend the experiment
After experiment i need to do the conclusion and calculation
And write a whole new report again before we can submit
And i have class for 6 days a week
Saturday is the most relax class but need use a lot of energy and strength
We go for grinding,moulding and other lots more
Sorry because i don't know other in english
The book i need to digest for last semester is more than 10
Somemore 1 have 2 mathematic subject last semester
Mathematic is the subject i worst in
And keep ask me to prove
Damn...
Then i have 3 physic paper and 1 chemistry paper to settle in whole semester
Total subject i have is 7
But each subject also got sub-subject comes out
Either is practical or experiment
The life i have last semester really terrible
All the preassure and tension make me more and more crazy
Somemore i always being alone here without your news make me more worry
Sorry because of all i had treat you so bad
Sorry
I treat you good in 1st sememster compared to last semester is all because study mess me up
But is still my wrong because i never learn to reduce my preassure and tension
And keep let them to drive my emotional and temper
I know at usual i already have some temper and emotional
But i still manage to control
But once i lost control i totally don't know what im doing at all
What i know is i need more and care and love from you
I know im so selfish for this
I know....
So i will change myself
This semester also quiet busy
But i will never repeat the same mistake anymore
I will learn from the mistake i make last semester
You maybe no more care for what i say...
But i will still make it
You maybe will never feel my changes
But i will still make it
For my love
Sure is because i lost vincy from my life...
Reason no need i repeat anymore
Im sure you know already...

I will be forever yours
Nobody can ever try to take me from you
This is my promise to you since i know you
And i will never break this promise
Since i believe one days you will feel my changes and good
And will accept me back
Just i don't know when is the day
Maybe 1 month...
Maybe 1 year...
Maybe 10 years...
Nobody will know
But i know my heart will never change
Forever just belong to vincy
Only vincy deserved to have my heart
No others...
I will wait the miracle day comes
I love and miss you here
Even we don't contact each other
Doesn't mean i forget you
Because you have my word
Because you had my heart
Because you had me...